Church Bulletins

Sylvia1 · 01-03-2009, 03:31 PM

Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
Last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

linda · 01-03-2009, 03:35 PM

sylvia that is so funny

i really needed cheering up thanks for posting

ME SHELL · 01-03-2009, 03:42 PM

haha my fave
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Beverley · 01-03-2009, 04:49 PM

Hilarious

CJ · 01-03-2009, 05:06 PM

They're great, this one's my fave!

A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.

Sylvia1 · 01-03-2009, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJ

They're great, this one's my fave!

A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.

I think that's my favourite too - suits my childish sense of humour

anna m · 02-03-2009, 11:57 PM

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals

My kind of fasting would include meals

01-03-2009, 03:31 PM	#1
Sylvia1 Senior Member Adult Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Somerset Posts: 2,465	Church Bulletins Those Wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release). ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' ---------------------------------------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ---------------------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled has been canceled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. --------------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------------------------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' --------------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------- A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow. --------------------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. --------------------------------------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. --------------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. --------------------------------------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. --------------------------------------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------------------------------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. ---------------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. --------------------------------------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. --------------------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan Last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours __________________ Sylvia 3 hermanns, 2 leopards, 2 german shepherds, 5 cats, 3 tropical tanks

01-03-2009, 04:49 PM	#4
Beverley Senior Member Adult Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Northern Ireland Posts: 3,493	Hilarious __________________

01-03-2009, 03:35 PM	#2
linda Senior Member Adult Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: west midlands Posts: 17,134	sylvia that is so funny i really needed cheering up thanks for posting

01-03-2009, 03:42 PM	#3
ME SHELL Senior Member Adult Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 8,484	haha my fave This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

01-03-2009, 05:06 PM	#5
CJ Senior Member Sub Adult Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Herts Posts: 1,280	They're great, this one's my fave! A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.

02-03-2009, 11:57 PM	#7
anna m Senior Member Adult Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 4,091	The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals My kind of fasting would include meals

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